How to Get Out of Your Own Way

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  Table of Contents

  Copyright Page

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  Author’s Note

  Thank you to all of my loved ones and fans from around the world who have supported everything I’ve done throughout my career, from the Coke commercial when I was sixteen to all of my different albums and films. It’s also possible that someone referred you to this book and you’ve never heard of me a day in your life. If this is the first time you’re getting to know me, I just hope you will be able to embrace me for who and what I am and the things that I stand for and the way I see my life. I’m going to take you on a little journey, from my childhood to where I am now. Hopefully you’ll walk away being made aware of a few things and seeing relationships, love, and other perspectives just a little differently than the way you do now.

  Although I won’t be able to control how people respond to certain things that I write or reveal, my genuine intention is not to embarrass or throw anybody under the bus. I’m putting myself out there by writing about the many things I was exposed to, my actions, and the choices I made. Although I can’t stop people from feeling a certain way, you all need to know that I’m not coming from an angry or spiteful place. I’m just speaking my truth.

  Some of the conversations in this book were taken from memory and, in those instances, have been paraphrased.

  I want to say thank you now for picking up this book and being willing to take this journey with me. I hope you enjoy it.

  —Tyrese, December 2010

  A Prayer Before We Begin

  Before I do anything of significance in my life, I always start it off with a prayer, and that’s not going to change with my first book. So please join me in this prayer, wherever you are…

  Father God, I just want to say thank You for everything that You are, and everything You’ve always been to me. There are a lot of people with eyes who still can’t see, so I thank You for allowing me to see what’s around me. Thank You for clarity and for building bridges of understanding in my life. Before I sit and eat to nourish my body, my grace and prayer is to You, to thank You for allowing me to eat what I want, when I want, where I want, and with whom I want, because I know there are a lot of people around the world who don’t have that as an option. I’m grateful for the opportunity to wake up and go out and be a living example of Your favor. I thank You for what You decided to bless me with. Father God, I wish I had a thousand tongues to thank You, because I’m alive, and I know You’re not done with me yet. I am so grateful for the opportunity to use my influence to impact others. I surrender to Your will. Please bless the Love Circle and the people in my life so that they will find more strength in the rest of their days and weeks. Protect them, Father God.

  Father God, I hope that people reading this book do not view anything within it as me showing off, gloating, or splashing my blessings in their face. I hope they look upon me as an example of someone with pure focus, determination, and execution, who literally started from the bottom in the ghetto streets of Watts. It was there that I decided I was tired of being tired, of worrying about my safety and my environment and that I wanted better for me and my family. It’s only by Your grace and favor that I’m still here.

  Father God, I pray that when my friends, family, loved ones, fans, and people who may have never even heard of me in their life read this book, they consider new possibilities. I pray that they don’t allow their own mental blocks and upbringing to get in the way of new ideas. Most people around the world, including myself, are unknowingly suffering from self-sabotage and self-defeat and are literally blocking their own blessings. I pray that from the reading of this book they decide to join me on this lifelong journey of trying to master the art of getting out of their own way.

  Prayer for the Love Circle

  As you read this book, I pray that you are open to peeling back the many layers that have caused a blockage of your own blessings—blessings that will free you from being bound in self-destruction, self-sabotage, fear, doubt, and all the troubles that have caused you to live as the victim of your choices instead of living victoriously. I wrote this book to challenge your comfort zone and get you to consider that you might be living with your blinders on and forcing yourself to not see what you ordered for your own life. My extreme hope is to break through those thick walls of complacency and empower you to face your fears of the unknown.

  Hopefully this book challenges you to see things outside of the bubble of reality you have created for yourself, and that you decide, like I have, to take that leap of faith, knowing that with God all things are possible and that you will land on your feet.

  I pray that you stop yourself from wallowing in darkness and decide today to pull yourself into the light. You are stronger than you could ever know. I believe in you and I am rooting for you.

  Trust in God to heal, provide, restore, and transform you. Know that there is power in making a choice. Choose today to be the unique design that you and only you were created to be. Be bold in your choices. Know that you can do any and everything through God who gives you strength (Philippians 4:13). Remember that today is a new day and that the past is just that—the past.

  I don’t believe in accidents. There is a reason you picked up this book. So stand tall, for your journey has led you here, to self-discovery, healing, and victory, and to a better place that will reveal a better you—the real you. I am already rejoicing and celebrating your liberation from the spiritual chains and bondage of your old habits, thoughts, and choices.

  Thank You. Amen.

  Okay, ladies and gents—breathe! I know that was a lot to process…

  Now, mates, shall we begin this journey?

  Foreword

  I want to dedicate this book to a friend of mine, Sameer. Sameer lived in Dubai, but we met a few years ago at a party in Beverly Hills that was hosted by Donald Trump, who was giving a presentation about his plans in Dubai. Sameer and I had fun partying and found that we shared a lot of the same views. We became friends and were brainstorming a few possible business ventures, so we stayed in touch. He started telling me all his plans, what he wanted to do with his life, and I was letting him in on all my plans. I took him to my office and introduced him to people I worked with, and he was impressed that I had accomplished so much at such a young age. He was just very inspirational and motivational to me, a really good guy.

  One of the things I mentioned to him was that I wanted to write this book. At the time, the title I had in mind was just Get Out of Your Own Way. He thought it was a great idea and was extremely positive about the project. After that, Sameer left the country to go close some deals in Dubai, and I didn’t see him for about six months. Then he showed up in LA for my twenty-ninth birthday, and he had something in his hand, a gift for me. He just said, “Here,” and put a book in my lap. I looked at the cover and in bold letters it said How to Get Out of Your Own Way. I noticed that he had added the words “How to” in front of “Get Out of Your Own Way.” It was a mock-up of my book cover, with only the title on it, but it looked like he had it made at a print shop and it had a little picture of me on the spine of the book, which I had never seen before. On the back he had put a few inspirational quotes from his favorite authors. I opened the book, and inside, the pages were all
blank. I sat there with the book in my lap, flipping through the empty pages. He told me, “The rest is on you. Write the book.”

  Now, at this point, I still hadn’t started writing or compiling any text for the book. I didn’t know what the process was going to be, but all of a sudden I felt pressured to make the book a reality. I had this blank book in my hands and I couldn’t ignore it. Sameer had planted the seed and now I really had to put some words onto those empty pages.

  That night Sameer, our crew, and I went to a club and it was insane—we had a blast. Soon after, he went back overseas for work. And then some stuff went down that I don’t fully understand.

  Sameer’s sister called me, flipping out, and told me that he was in deep trouble. He didn’t want me to know, but he had been in jail for three months and they had tried to get him out but it didn’t look like that would happen. She told me it had to do with his business, that many people in the company he worked for had been arrested.

  Trying to be a good friend and supporter, I prayed with him. I tried my best to encourage and motivate him every time we talked. He was totally depressed, sad, and miserable because he didn’t have a court date and wasn’t sure when he would ever get out. The entire time, I was thinking to myself that I have never felt like I was in jail as much as I did from talking to him while he was in jail. Because we both love life, our freedom, partying, and hanging out, and he went nuts in there. I knew he was having suicidal thoughts, and every time we talked, I gave him all the good energy I could. When it seemed like he was almost at his breaking point I sent him the first draft of my manuscript for the book to try and keep his spirits up. When he finished reading the pages, he told me they had inspired and motivated him to hold on and not give up.

  Sameer ended up spending a whole year in jail. When he was finally released, he had a pending court date but he was all fired up. When he called me he was back to his old self. His energy and positive spirit were screaming through the phone. He was looking forward to enjoying his life and picking up the pieces.

  A few months later, when I was in the middle of working on the manuscript, I got a phone call from his sister, who told me that Sameer had jumped from a high-rise building in Dubai and killed himself.

  I was at a loss for words. One of the first things I thought when I found out about his death was how crazy it was, because at thirty-one years old I had never known anyone who had committed suicide. I didn’t know how to process something I had never experienced before. I started thinking about how Sameer had already done a year in prison, and even though it was rough and he didn’t think he could make it, he had made it. Why would anybody get out of prison and decide to take their own life, not even a month after getting released? I was conflicted because ultimately he had pushed me to write the book I was now calling How to Get Out of Your Own Way. He had made an impact on it by changing the title, but he ended up getting in his own way and taking his own life.

  If you don’t figure out your life and get out of your own way, your choices could possibly lead to a life of misery, bad circumstances, and as you can see, something as extreme as suicide.

  I want all my readers to know that this book is coming from a real place. It’s not just me sitting down, deciding to put a bunch of words together so I can pat myself on the back and say “Hey, I wrote a book.” Hopefully the information and true experiences that I speak on here can get in the way of somebody else deciding that life’s pressures are too tough and prevent them from staying in dysfunctional or bad situations or ultimately taking their own life.

  I do know that my words and prayers and our conversations helped Sameer for some time. He told me that my book had really inspired and impacted him to keep fighting. I can’t help but think that there were some other dynamics and forces within him or around him, beyond what I knew, that made him end his life. A few months after he died, we found out that he was exonerated and all the charges against him were dropped.

  Despite this tragic story, I don’t want to start this book on a sad note, because what Sameer did for me and what I will truly remember him for was that he really pushed me to get the words on the blank pages. I had mentioned to him that I wanted to write a book and he really helped me follow through with it.

  Although I wasn’t sure I could sit down and write a whole book, I realized that I was actually sitting on a gold mine of inspirational concepts. Unknowingly, I had started the process of creating material for this book several years before, when I decided to share more about my life with my fans through voicemail and online messages on Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, and a few blogs. At first I thought I would just talk about my new music and movies, but the interaction grew into something much more personal, more real and genuine than I ever could have imagined. On my voicemail service, when people leave a message, I’m not the only person who can hear it. Anyone on the service can listen. As I began to share more about what I was thinking and what was going on in my life, people who heard my messages told me they appreciated what I was saying and began to leave their own confessions and testimonies. We were hearing each other’s strength and giving each other the permission to do better and want better, to take the steps to change. That’s why I dubbed this community the Love Circle.

  Over the last decade, I have come to realize that God’s purpose for me is to reach out to people. I leave the voicemail messages and I tweet—and now I’m writing this book—because I want to give people permission to want better for themselves and take their lives to another level, and sometimes we just need information on how to get it done. When I was younger, I was determined to get out of Watts and become a singer. All we wanted to do as young kids in the hood was to get ahold of somebody who was already in the music game to help us figure it out. I have always been curious about life. Ever since I was young I’ve been asking questions to find out what things mean, but it wasn’t part of my conscious personal strategy to improve; I just wanted and needed to know. I was lucky to find a few people along the way who gave me information to help me on my journey. I’m dying to put that same energy out there, to give someone the same permission that these people gave me.

  I have found that a conversation with somebody who drops some heavy stuff on you can make you look at yourself and your life a little differently. You can still be very in tune with yourself and your purpose and the things that you stand for, but you can become a person who can reach for something better. And so all these important conversations became part of an ongoing mission for me to take a piece of knowledge, a piece of information, a different perspective or outlook and add them to my life. I’ve been picking up life’s building blocks along the way, and rebuilding myself with a block from each person.

  I am now passing these real-life experiences along because honestly, I would feel guilty knowing the things I know and not be willing to speak on it. As a child of God I feel a certain responsibility to share the many things I know and have been exposed to. It would be unfair to a little boy who is hungry like I was, who doesn’t know how to figure out his life. I would feel guilty about knowing what I know now and keeping it to myself because my loyal supporters and fans from the beginning have my back. If they didn’t support my albums, movies, and other passion projects, then my career probably would have faded out a long time ago. Since I can’t go and actually pay everyone back individually for helping me live an amazing life and lifestyle, I can send out the knowledge and information I’ve got and hope it makes a difference.

  I’m not claiming to be God or Jesus, nor will I ever attempt to be. I’m just trying to get others to realize their power and spirit. Every message I leave comes from my heart. As much as the voicemail messages do for people, at this point I believe they’re doing more for me, because I’m able to express myself knowing that there are a lot of people listening who could be impacted by what I say. It does a lot for me to know I’m helping in some way.

  As the Love Circle grew I felt more of a responsibility to think about what I was say
ing and what my actions were along with it, because people were really paying attention to me now. Even though I had been famous for a few years before I started leaving the voicemail messages, I still wasn’t used to the idea of fame, and I’d never had the chance to get to know my fans on such an intimate level. At a concert, fans don’t usually get to talk to the performers, and if you do meet, it’s always quick. I never had the chance to sit down and have a full-on conversation. But with the Love Circle I’m able to get to know the people who support me—not only as fans but on different levels. I try to nurture and educate and make people aware of things that they never knew or thought about, or were never made aware of—not even by their own fathers, mothers, uncles, brothers, or grandparents.

  Over the past few years, I’ve gone through some momentous life changes that have given me a completely new outlook on life, and I’ll talk about some of those changes here. All the problems I had have affected me personally, professionally, and spiritually, and are issues I’ve been dealing with for quite some time. I’ve felt a lot of pain in my life, and I know just about every form it can take. I have to admit that while writing this I’ve felt very vulnerable and exposed, because anybody who knows me knows I’m a very private person living a very public life. It’s on my heart to share my perspective and outlook in the hope that it might bring some level of clarity and understanding about how to get through different challenges and help others make better choices so that they won’t go down the long road and bump their heads the way I did.

  What I’ve done is organize the book into a series of questions. The reason for this is that these are the basic, fundamental questions that helped me redefine who I was as a human being and evolve into a new man. I want to emphasize that these are my opinions, and this is my story. I’ve learned that experience is your highest truth and only you can define your own truth. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. I’m just here to provide you with my personal road map that helped me understand myself better. I’ve learned over the years from talking to many people of all backgrounds—from ghettos and middle America, whites, blacks, and in between—that most people have goals and missions and places they want to take their lives personally and professionally. But most don’t have a sense of direction. I’ve realized that hopes, dreams, and ambition without a clear sense of direction will leave you feeling stuck in your hopes and dreams. So I pray that something in this book will give you a better sense of direction to help you achieve your hopes and dreams.